I stare up at the ceiling and overthink everything.
Why was I born here?
Why am I alive now?
Was I designed for a time such as this?
Would it make any kind of difference if I didn’t exist?
The World is a troubled place and my Mind
Has no ideas or solutions to its woes.
I am told to focus on what I can do now
And not carry that weight with me everywhere I go.
I’m told to use my skills to make better
The lives of those
Who came here with what, inside them, broke
So that I may give them a little light and maybe a little Hope.
Anyone can study what I studied and
Face the same challenges I have faced and
Conquer what’s on approach.
There’s nothing extraordinary – no special gift
To do what I’ve been doing
I ask myself – what is My purpose?
What do I contribute to this Universe?
What do I Live for?
I could leave quietly and walk away from all this misery
I wonder what it would mean for those who
Say that they care about me.
Don’t consider the consequences of what
May lie ahead of me
If I end it.
If I hang my Life up and forget it –
I don’t watch the news anymore
It’s like there’s no good left in this World
There is beauty and it is everywhere
But few see it worth fighting – at all – for.
It’s hard to imagine a time when apparently
We all just got along.
With each other and ourselves
When masks were just theatre props.
It seems – nobody lives the dream coz
We’ve all got something that we’re longing for
And when we don’t get it – we get angry
And point at anything that moves
To take the fall –
I stare at the ceiling as another day draws to
Its close
And I wonder
If my tiny musings
Dent the grand scheme of things
If it matters at all . . .