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I asked where he was
He told me once
That he was burning pain at the gym
I was stunned
I looked at the clock
It was passing two in the AM’s
And I wondered
Why he couldn’t put his mind to rest
When the sun set
I wondered
What secrets could
His pillow have kept
If I asked it
I wondered
What he would choose to tell me
If I asked him –
But I didn’t
I didn’t throw down with his demons
I was chicken
So I did what the other girls did
I expressed my shock at his
Unusualness –
Coz I worried
I worried that I would lose control
Of my Self
And in that
My demons would rise
And defend me
Against his darkest strength
When in fact –
When he would be pumping iron
In the darkness
At cruel and unusual hours
I’d be
Writing it all down
Burning my pain
But he
He didn’t know this at all though
Did he?
No.
But I knew right then
I would have told him
If he’d asked me
I would have let his demons come too
If he’d asked me to . . .

 

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