, , , , , , ,


I have a scar on my thigh.
I was told once that it looked like a – well – a butthole.
For years I felt insecure about my body, being the biggest and yet, the YOUNGEST of my sisters.
I have a large body. Pretty much everything on me is large.
My hands. My feet. My chest. My thighs. My ass. My hair. My eyes. My lips.
I remember when I was younger, I could never use the hand-me-downs that my sister outgrew because I was already too big to fit in my sister’s clothes before she could outgrow them.
I remember my toes hurting terribly because I couldn’t fit in her old shoes and my Mama couldn’t get me new ones yet…
I was bullied for being big. I was called fat a few times.
I was told that I was an over-eater just because I had a healthy appetite.
And then my scar –
This scar had me looking deformed when I would wear pants that fit my form.
I looked like I had a big dent in my upper left thigh, especially when I put on weight.
And it didn’t help being told that I look like I have a butthole in my thigh.
I took it all like a trouper, having gotten used to being shamed for being black and foreign and a girl with large everything.
But a kid can only take so much of it. And I started to believe that I was a fat glutton…
Until a whole series of things happened in my life that led to my acceptance of who I am and the package I was born with.
Learning to accept who I am made it easy to remove the static and the noise of all their negative energy. I learnt who I was and what I wanted and what I felt and what mattered to me.
And then, being large didn’t matter the way it did before.
I am large.
I have been large.
I am strong.
Just because I am bigger than they are, that doesn’t make me unfit or unhealthy or abnormal.
My body is mine and I won’t allow myself to feel bad about who I am just because I was built like a Warrior.
I am a Warrior.