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I am miles away from my normal
Trying to keep my thoughts and mind straight
Taking deep breaths to calm my mental
Trying to rest my Spirit in this state
I don’t get how and why you would do it
Try to smile when your joy is fake
I run out of steam before I do it
I try again and again but I fail –
I am left of field of my center
I am blindly feeling my way through
I just heard the words that you whispered
And for a second – I took it as truth –
I sit quietly in my darkness
And I have lived my days umoved
I’ve grown more and more into my likeness
The one that God made
Not YOU –
I won’t force my tears to the back
So you can ease your guilt and feel better
I won’t hide my face and wear a mask
And lose myself to the lie of a pretender
I have felt the strength of my Heartbeat
And I’m not about to give it up yet
He made me feel this deeply for a reason –
I may not know what it is
But I will never forget . . .

Psalm 139 : 14