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I remember
Not so long ago
In another part of this life.
I caught these feelings
Plucked them from the sky.
I began alone –
As in – it was all one-sided.
And I remained alone
In these feelings of mine.
The more I thought I knew
The more the feelings started
To grow.
And the more they grew
The less of him he started
To show.
And when I think back on it
I realize I should have known.
How so much of me
I was showing him now, rang untrue.
I find myself –
Now –
Wondering if I’m saying too much.
If you’re annoyed by
My presence
Or if you like it
Just enough.
I never used to filter anything –
I wanted the whole world to hear me!
When I used my Written Words
In the absence of my voice box
For my speaking.
Now, I find myself
What you must be thinking.
And I feel my alarm bells
Grow insistent in their
Beeping –
A warning –
That I’m straying dangerously
To that old place
Where I held back myself
To appear worthy of another
Person –
So I stop thinking about you
Every time I venture into my truth.
I remind myself that this has
Always been for me
My Thoughts – my Feelings – my Dreams
None of it, for you.
You plan your own life
Around your own future
No thought spared
For me.
And so
It shouldn’t matter
Any of my Words reach you –
Because right now
I do not belong to you
And you don’t belong to me –