Hidden Stories

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Walking down a corridor.
Realizing that pretty much
Everything has a Story.
The dent in the wall.
The blood spatter on the ceiling.
The sudden darkness of the hallway.
Those forgotten bolts in the floor
Where something used to be.
There’s the man running flat out
And the security guards chasing him.
And there’s somebody –
Somewhere –
Wailing into the night.
There’s the lady mopping up
A mess –
She is moved –
But she’s trying to be indifferent.
And then there’s the dude
In the scrubs
Standing there
Just out of sight.
And then there’s the people
Walking real slow.
But it’s not by choice –
I don’t think they know
Where they’re going
But they know what they’re looking for
And they’re quite content
To ignore you –
And then there’s me
Keeping my head down.
You tried to hold my gaze
Thinking I would greet you –
But no –
I’m already pretending
You’re not even there –
I hear you’ve found
Your person
Who just happened to be
Walking behind me
You say –
“What’s her Story?”
She asks, “Who?”
I’m gone before your person
Recognizes me –

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Awaken, Then…

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I found you in a place unknown
A graveyard of sorts
Filled with whispers and ghosts
And faded photographs
In frames of gold
And brass and silver
Somehow imperishable.
There you were
Seated on faded leather
Amid the frames of ideas
That had gone no further
Than the first spark of
Inspiration
Only to fade fast into
Life’s demand for attention.
All around you
Were steel beams
Off the old foundations
Of these wishes and dreams
That were –
Somehow forgotten –
And yet familiar
Because they exist in other
Places –
All these small tasks
Of my daily existence.
You looked ageless
Like you’d been suspended
In time
Like the last true likeness of
Someone
Taken before they died –
You know the one –
The one the living will speak
Of fondly
Whenever they relive
The memories.
There was
No impatience or bitterness
In your eyes
It was like you knew that
I would come there
Even if you had to wait
Awhile.
You received me with
A genuine smile
And I sat beside you –
Resting –
Coz I had walked for miles
Trying to find you!
Having sifted through the
Clutter of my mind
Pushing aside those voices
Telling me that I’d be
Denied the
Living of my dreams
Hoping that I would find you
The first true spark of
My inner Truth.
I looked into your eyes
And I knew you knew –
I knew you had known
That I would somehow find you
And reawaken this flame
That I thought was dead
And I said –
“Hello, Me, I’m so glad
I have finally found you!”

Seventh Night

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It’s midnight.
I’m momentarily energized.
I’m staring at the clock
Counting down the seconds
Until daylight.
I’m passing the time
Caught between sleeping
And a wakeful mind.
Staring sightlessly at
The rhythmical blinking
Of the light.
Wondering if it’s true
What they say –
If you cannot sleep
Then you’re wide awake
In someone else’s dream
The love of your life
The mate of your soul
The one you just might
Never have met
But you’re looking for –
?
Then where are you now?
Are you in this time zone
Will you be at your window
As the sun goes down?
Or will it be rising for you
At just the same
Time that I clock out?
Is that why I’m feeling
So sleepy?
Are you fast asleep
And dreaming about me?
As I fight the battle
Of the seventh night
On this shift –
Trying to stay awake
As I’m patiently waiting?
Or are you nodding in and out?
Staring at a blinking light
That refuses to die out?
Are you contemplating
Your very existence
As you wait for
Dawn’s break
Like me?

I Didn’t Wanna Talk To Anyone

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I didn’t wanna talk to anyone.
I could already feel myself withdrawing.
Didn’t want to encounter
Any human voices and
I –
I left without saying good night
To anyone.
Put my headphones on
Hoping the world would take a hint.
Got to the car, powered it up –
Shut off the radio
Couldn’t stand the sounds
Of all that chatter
And all that music –
It was noise.
Kept the windows rolled up
As the car park began to fill.
Even though I could feel
My blood boiling under my skin.
Even though the world
Was at 38 degrees –
I didn’t wanna hear them speak –
I was having none of it.
I was craving the solitude of
My fortress.
But I wouldn’t make it there
By remaining here in this car.
So I focused on that short drive ahead
As I turned the key in the ignition
And let the engine start.
It was a loud roar
It drowned every other sound.
I remember smiling
At how I forgot for a moment that
Nobody else was around.
And I was glad for the thick
Windows muting the rest of
The world.
And I put the car in drive.
And I left the world behind.
And before I could even stop it –
I SCREAMED!
I wondered if anyone had heard –
I –
I didn’t wanna talk to anyone.
I pretended you were too far out.
I didn’t quicken my pace
Or acknowledge your greeting
Even when you did shout.
It had been a long day –
Could you not see it drawn on my face?
I didn’t care –
I reached my room
Hoping never to leave it again –

Unconventional

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When I am left to my own devices –
Which is often –
And I mean –
When even my passions have
Abandoned me
I find my mind wandering to
Places I keep unseen.
From the world around me.
From my friends and my family.
And the God that birthed me.
I hide these things from my prayer life.
I bury them where they
Will never see the light.
I don’t try to understand them.
And I don’t try to give Life to them –
On most days, if I’m lucky
I can get away with pretending
To forget them.
But they do appear and demand
That I release them
And here is where I know my own strength –
In that silence where I indulge them
Sometimes I smile
Because I’m inspired by them –
To motion and to poetry and to the
Creation of stories
And I find myself burning pages away
With ink and bleeding passion –
But when I pause even for a second
To get my bearing and to catch my breath
I see the darkness and the – twistedness
And the tainted shades of this beautiful
Mess.
And when I try to find the words to
Define it all –
It’s Vulgar and Unclean and Impure and
Sometimes leaves me frightened –
And then I ask myself – who am I
That I can like these things and still be me?
Who am I –
That I can bury these things and walk
This world with a straight face?
How am I like this?
Why am I like this?
What is the point?
What’s my purpose?
Left alone, to my own devices
Will I find the definitions of these feelings –

I Remember You

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Memories of daydreams
Being relived.
Trying to trick my brain
Into endorphin synthesis.
It all plays back in Technicolor
In my mind.
Forcing down the facts
That it is all lies.
I’m pulling forth all
These words I never said.
Locked in vaults in
Sacred spaces in my head.
They’re all triggered
By silence.
I’m alerted to my
Loneliness.
I’m confronted by my
Missed chances –
Of these things
I am reminded.
When I sit still long enough
My surroundings change.
And if I dig deeper –
Enough –
I can recall that day.
I can see the beauty of
The sky.
I can hear the chatter outside.
I can feel my heart flicker
Like it did the first time.
When you introduced yourself
To me –
Looked me in the eye.
I remember –
How my breath stalled
In my chest –
That sudden elation
In this Heart of mine.
And for a moment
I am right there.
And I speak in a voice
Loud enough for you to hear –
And uninterrupted, I tell you,
“My name is Daisy –
And I’m glad to have you here.”

1 O’Clock In The Morning…

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I wish you were awake right now.
Wherever you are –
I’d lie beside you
Without making a sound.
If that’s what you wanted.
I wouldn’t even ask how your day went.
But I’d be there if
You had something to get
Off your chest.
If you wanted to talk
Until sleep would find you
I would count the stars
And stay awake with you –
I wish
That I was right there
In this moment with you
I wish I could know
The 1AM you –

i dream of you

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Have you ever woken from your sleep
Feeling like they were holding you
Before they left?
Like they just wanted to feel you
For a little bit
But they didn’t want to wake you
As you slept?
I woke like that.
And on the opening of
My eyes
The image of your face
Was immediate.
The sound of your laugh
Echoed in my head.
And my imagination
Progressed from that.
Maybe you told me something
You wanted nobody to hear.
Nobody but me –
Something you whispered in my ear.
I imagine that you were happy
To finally speak the words –
And so you laughed
And that sound remained
In my memory, clear.
I imagine you smelt like nothing.
I imagine the warmth of your skin
Like the first time I felt it.
I imagine you may have felt a little
Content
Like I did
In that lazy moment.
Have you ever felt like that?
Coming off a dream
So true
You believe it’s real?
This is how I woke this morning.
And the only one on
My mind was you…

Let Us Learn

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Even before I walked away
You were already in the past
Tense for me.
I was thinking –
“We could have been something
Great but you –
You fucked that shit up ROYALLY!”
BITTER
Is the word you would choose
To describe me
In a bid to belittle these feelings
And make me seem childish –
Like this was some kind of
Petty outburst
But no, Sir –
You are accurate
And this is not petty
It’s real.
And I welcome it
So I can move on
And make room for
Growth and maturity
In the way that I feel.
I never pictured all the things
That little girls dream
Apparently –
I never thought of picket
Fences and the scent of
Oven-baked pie in the morning.
There were no
2.5 kids in the waiting.
There was no –
“This Is How You Family”
When I thought of you and me.
I thought
About me becoming
Who God had birthed me to be.
I thought that you’d be the
Second call I’d make
In the fruition of my dreams –
I thought that you would still
LIVE
In the Life of me
Ten years – even twenty years
Down the line from our first
Meeting.
But you had old wounds
From past lives
That had nothing to do
With me.
And I don’t know why
You
Knowing me
Came here
Without even trying
At your healing.
And you came into my
PEACE
And tracked mess
Over everything!
And I had to throw
Quite a lot of me out
So that I could grow
Clean and new.
Because of you.
But in the end you
Were a lesson.
So Thank You –

sh!t

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I came out of that pose
Cussing myself for my lack of focus.
What was I thinking about that
Took my concentration away?
So much so that I lost my form
And ended up sprawled on the floor
My breath caught in my throat
Holding it tight
Pain ripping through me?
Have you ever felt that?
The world seems to go in slow
Motion as you register the possibility
That this might be it –
Maybe you ripped a muscle somewhere
And maybe that limb will no longer
Work?
You’re on the ground and the brown
Wooden tiles seem to your eyes
Like you’ve never seen them before.
And that bracelet you lost months ago –
It’s under the TV stand –
Now you know.
And you never knew your fingers could twitch like that.
You never knew that your body could twist like that.
You never realized how heavy you were.
Until you were stretched out on the cold floor –
Having fallen there –
Wondering what you were wondering
When the muscle pulled in your back
Because you lost your form and
You wonder –
Will I ever walk again?
Is this it?